I wonder
by Yuuko Uchiha
Summary: Spoilers chapters 384-401 Itachi-centric from Sasuke's pov -No Uchihacest though- The thoughts and feelings that Sasuke has during the battle, the "talk" and the revelations he has.


I can't feel my senses

Warning:  
This fic has spoilers from chapter 384-401!  
Angsty - unbeta'ed yet (and it's my fault)- songfic (Frozen by Within temptation in youtube is easily found)

"normal" Sasuke  
_"Italics"_ Itachi (including the song... please for this fic to make more sense imagine that Itachi is the one singing the song)  
_"Italics and underlined"_ Madara

-

The light comes in gaps inside the room while you lie sited in the master chair, capturing my attention without any effort as I walk into the Uchiha house.

Your face devoid of any emotion.

This is the end, but I can't restrain myself to wonder...

_I can't feel my senses  
I just feel the cold  
All colours seem to fade away  
I can't reach my soul  
_

"_You have gotten much stronger"_

Finally, this is it, my destiny, fate has reached us.

I'm not the same child you could just put aside.

Since the day you leaved me trembling by myself.

My goal, my mission in life, the reason you kept me alive

I may not be the last Uchiha yet, but I'll kill the one who helped you next.

As I don't care what I'll have to do to fulfill my quest.

"THIS IS THE END!"

Tell me why you just don't get it.

_I would stop running  
If I knew there was a chance  
It tears me apart to sacrifice it all  
But I'm forced to let go  
_

"_People live their lives bound by what they __accept as correct and true"_

What are you talking about..?

"_Like the way you believed I was a kind, caring brother"_

S-Shut up!

It was all a lie?

My hearth throbs painfully.

It was all a lie...

Memories coming to my mind...

Like the day I hug you, hanging from your hips, looking up to you trying to keep you away from leaving the house, trying to make you stay by my side, euphoric when you read patiently a book to me just because you felt like it.

Or the day you showed me the butterfly you caught with your hand without even harming her, amused of my surprised reaction... you always shared things with me that you wouldn't do to anybody else.

I was so young and you so strong.

All those times you helped me train. I tried so hard to reach you, yet you were so far away.

When we were alone your arm would hang softly by my waits bringing us closer to each other... making us smile, smiling only for each other.

I can't breathe!!

Mom... and Dad... the whole clan.

Yes, you fooled me...

I hate you now.

"But it did happen! IT WAS REALITY!"

Tell me why my heart still stops at the sound of your voice.

_Tell me I'm frozen  
But what can I do?  
Can't tell the reasons  
I did it for you  
_

"_You Sasuke, You will become my new light"_

Is that it?

Oh god... they all died because of it?

Because you wanted a spare?

Because I loved you?

Because I look at you as the greatest person in the world?

I never saw you and an Uchiha or Itachi... the prodigy

I looked you as my brother...

Yes, I wanted father's recognition.

Yes, I didn't like when people saw me as Itachi's brother

Tell me why then, when you looked at **me**... it didn't matter

_When lies turn into truth  
I sacrifice for you  
You say that I am frozen  
But what can I do?  
_

"_Your life's dream will remain as such, all the way to the end"_

My eye goes down without thinking... is disappointment what I feel? I think so, because you only had to ask

But now, it all has become to this...

My love become to hate...

And that hate has give me power.

I'll turn the illusion into reality

You are strong but so I am. You underestimate didn't you? I'm used to it...

But I came prepared, this is your end...

Like the thunder echoes, your words do as well in my mind. The rain and the blast will wash away our sins.

And when the purifying god finally strikes, I feel relief.

Is over!

Is finally over!

I want to laugh, finally I proved that I wasn't worthless as you said to me.

I proved that I had enough hatred, enough power

But then... why are you still alive?!

_I can feel your sorrow  
(I sacrifice)  
You won't forgive me  
But I know you'll be alright  
It tears me apart that you will never know  
But I have to let go  
_

"_Sasuke, you have become very strong"_

I see you terrified as you rise, surrounded for an energy wall

I notice the way the wind cares your hair, the way you eyes are half closed, your majestically scares me.

I can feel him wanting to free himself...

Shit, no!

I can do this alone!

I have to do this alone!

And I feel weak when he finally releases himself, but you stabbed and finished him so easily that it makes me want to laugh.

You were expecting him, weren't you?

You already knew I would lose control.

And then you cough blood, we are drained but yet, you still can move

I have to do something!

ANYTHING!

Mother

Father

Forgive me

I couldn't defeat him

My legs can't hold me anymore as my body trembles with fear.

I try desperately to do something as you move towards me but nothing works

Your hand rises to take out my eyes

And I'm trapped

My eyes widen in fearful anticipation which you can't see since your eyes look down, we are both tired but you're here to collect your reward...

But you poke my forehead

I observe frizzed like an outsider while your hand slowly slips down when is pulled by the rest of your body as it falls besides me hitting the ground with a small noise

What a cruel joke, this gesture so intimate we had when we were kids

When the sky begin to cry again my eyes are already filled with tears

My eyes go down like my hole body wants to because my soul suddenly feels hollow...

And I realize...

You lie there with your blinded eyes open, not sings of breathe... tears around your eyes, blood covering your lips

Slowly my body slips down, besides you, I can feel my face reflect my agony, something heavier that rain is around my eye... blood?

The sky looks beautiful, the sun is almost set which makes the clouds get a wonderful reflection, the wind blows coldly moving lovingly your hair.

And I realize...

That is finally over... and you're not coming back.

Tell me why if I hate you so much why it still hurts

TELL ME WHY!

Tell me why...

_  
Tell me I'm frozen  
But what can I do?  
Can't tell the reasons  
I did it for you  
_

"_You won" _

Did I?

Because it doesn't feel like it.

I feel so empty even when I should feel complete.

I don't care about anything... I'm not interested... why doesn't he leave me alone?

I can't even sit down strait, the ground pulls me down... and I'm aware that I'm not just physically exhausted.

What does he want for me?

I know everything about you.

What does he mean at the same time I know nothing?

How dare he to show me his face?

My anger triggers something inside of me... my eye hurts.

What the hell was that?

While I'm sitting here I can feel you...

My eye is bleeding because of a power that I didn't have before

I can feel your breathe against my neck while your hand is over my head

This isn't mine, it is yours

Get off me!

Your friend has a sick sense of humor

To protect me?

I almost want to laugh...

To protect me?

He keeps saying that I know things about you at the same time that I don't...

"I DON'T CARE ANYMORE"

I don't care anymore

Make him stop!

Tell me why are you doing this to me..!

_When lies turn into truth  
I sacrifice for you  
You say that I am frozen  
But what can I do?  
_

"_You need to know about Uchiha Itachi's life"_

Shut him up...

SHUT HIM UP!

He is lying!

"Protect me"

"The truth"

You tried to kill me...

To steal my eyes...

You were only acting... you said it yourself... you didn't love me...

You didn't love me...

I can't...

Darkness surrounds me...

I can't breathe...

You were my enemy...

I don't know his reasons... the only thing that he is accomplishing is to hurt me, but he won't confuse me.

You killed mother and father, the hole clan, you were member of Akatsuki...

I have every reason to hate you.

Everything was real.

You, a sacrifice?

I will not fall for this...

But then again... tell me why I want a reason... for me to not hate you.

_  
Everything will slip away  
Shattered pieces will remain  
When memories fade into emptiness  
Only time will tell its tale  
If it all has been in vain  
_

"_What kind of monster would hurt his beloved younger brother?!"_

Even when he clenches his teeth and the thought he forgets that you didn't love me as I did you.

We were a prideful clan... and amongst us, you were the delight of our kin...

He has to be lying...

No way you went thru that hell...

But as he talks about the coup d'etat and you working as a spy the meetings you had with father come to my mind.

Why would you betray the clan?

Anguish fills my mind... yes, this is the way I would like to remember you, you always were so peaceful, so kind... even when the person wasn't from our clan.

When did your mission became to wipe out the entire Uchiha clan?

Is he telling the truth?

My eyes are tidily closed as I keep listening

Did you suffer?

Did you hesitated?

What was it like? To take the decision?

How could you do it? All the burden upon your shoulders.

The third hokage tried to help you? But yet you kept carrying it by yourself

Tell me why... why did you choose to do it all by yourself... taking all the blame.

_  
I can't feel my senses  
I just feel the cold  
Frozen  
But what can I do?  
Frozen  
_

"_The only thing he failed to do was to kill his little brother"_

Please... please... tell me he is lying...

You asked me to hate you, to despise you... as to be able to kill you I would have...

To cling to life...

Why would you go that far because of me?

He has to be lying...

It makes no sense!

But at the same time it does...

You were expecting him already...

Is it truth? Did you had everything planned?

But he is lying! You told me that he was behind the nine-tails' attack! You both are trying to toy with me!

Who is telling the truth? Were you so paranoid that I would learn this?

Why?

And why is he telling me this?

My world is crashing down...

I can not love you after all this hate.

I can't...

"LIES"

I can't...

But I'm alive, yet my heart stops at the realization.

Tell me why I can not hate you after all this love.

_  
Tell me I'm frozen  
But what can I do?  
Can't tell the reasons  
I did it for you  
When lies turn into truth  
I sacrifice for you  
You say that I am frozen  
_

"_He traded his pride for disgrace... _

_and your love for your hatred and even still, _

_Itachi died with a smile on his face...__"_

My feet take me to the sea, the waves are breaking, the sky is clear and the sun is bright.

My heart is still in pain

I let the wind touch my skin and I take a deep breathe as my eyes look over the water...

I see you standing in the sand, saying goodbye with a calm smile

I understand now but it can't keep me from crying.

Tell me why all my love doesn't seem enough...

_  
Frozen_

Aniki...


End file.
